[Verse 1]
Well, I'm a sucker for fine Cuban cigars
The problem is I can't afford them
But last year, I went and got myself a whole box
And just to be safe, I insured 'em

[Verse 2]
I took out a policy against fire and theft
And then I hurried on home
And with a fifty-cent lighter, I sat on my back steps
And I smoked 'em one by one

[Verse 3]
Two weeks later, I went to see that insurance man
And I handed in my claim
With a straight face, I told him that through a series of small fires
They'd all gone up in flames

[Verse 4]
They reviewed my case and they had no choice
But to pay me for what I'd done
I took that check and bought a whole new box
And I smoked 'em one by one

[Verse 5]
Two weeks later, this detective shows up
And tells me that company's pressing charges
One speedy trial later, they locked me up
On twenty-four separate counts of arson

[Verse 6]
And now I sit and I stare at a blank brick wall
Looking back on what I've done
To pass the time, I've got some ten-cent cigars
And I smoke 'em one by one
Yeah, I smoke 'em one by one