[Verse 1: John Flansburgh]
Never took a class before in self-defense
Never looked at you before with common sense

[Pre-Chorus 1: John Flansburgh]
Gird myself for a short sharp shock
Trace myself in sidewalk chalk
I'll shut my mouth, you do the talking

[Chorus 1: John Flansburgh, John Flansburgh & John Linnell, (John Linnell)]
You're so proud of your circular karate chop
Afternoons in the mirror doing pop and lock
From the ju-unk shop to the truck stop (Ahhhhh...)
To the big big top

[Verse 2: John Flansburgh]
Detention hall, name on the wall and locker dent
Never mind the withered words of encouragement

[Pre-Chorus 2: John Flansburgh]
Pulling off my anorak, dumping out my black backpack
Take what you like, I'll keep on walking

[Chorus 1: John Flansburgh, John Flansburgh & John Linnell, (John Linnell)]
You're so proud of your circular karate chop
Afternoons in the mirror doing pop and lock
From the ju-unk shop to the truck stop (Ahhhhh...)
To the big big top

[Chorus 2: John Flansburgh, John Flansburgh & John Linnell, (John Linnell)]
You're still bragging about your telescoping roundhouse kick
You're still looking for your Commodore's old control stick
So myopic, stay on topic (Ahhhhh...)
And this world is sick

[Bridge: John Flansburgh]
Three rules from your sensei:
One: Outsource your feelings
Two: Limit your training to be task-specific
Three: Assign regret to those accountable

[Verse 3: John Flansburgh]
Detention hall, name on the wall and locker dent
Never mind the withered words of encouragement

[Pre-Chorus 3: John Flansburgh]
Pulling off my anorak, dumping out my black backpack
Take what you like, I'll keep on walking

[Chorus 1: John Flansburgh, John Flansburgh & John Linnell, (John Linnell)]
You're so proud of your circular karate chop
Afternoons in the mirror doing pop and lock
From the ju-unk shop to the truck stop (Ahhhhh...)
To the big big top

[Chorus 2: John Flansburgh, John Flansburgh & John Linnell, (John Linnell)]
You're still bragging about your telescoping roundhouse kick
You're still looking for your Commodore's old control stick
So myopic, stay on topic (Ahhhhh...)
Man, this world is sick

[Instrumental Outro]