Where would I ever be without you?
How could I hope to seize the tablet of values and redact it?
Longstreth is saying he isn’t sure how to define himself and his values without his “hoodlum love.” She has changed him and helped him define his values and get to where he is now, but she is gone. Thus he isn’t sure how to extricate what are his own values from the values of his ex-love that he should probably now “redact” from his life… but she’s changed him for good, there’s no hope for redaction
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